Saturday, April 30, 2011

This Mortal Coil: Up Yours, An Exploration of the Nether Regions (WARNING: MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)


"Bind me tie me
Chain me to the wall
I wanna be a slave
To you all
Oh bondage up yours "
-Marianne Joan Elliott-Said (aka Poly-Styrene) RIP

Anal *** is considered a high risk behavior for HIV and other STI transmission. So, have fun and be safe!
Go Ask Alice, Columbia University Health Services

When they first discovered them, the slender tubes perplexed the Ivy League Archaeologists exploring the ancient Mayan ruins. Nothing in their experience would have prepared them to contemplate an elite whose highest rites included pumping fermented Lonchocarpus tree bark up their anuses. At the time, our society still held to the ancient covenants that prohibited inserting foreign objects up our rectums. Imagine how surprised these same academics would have been if they would have known that thirty years later the health services and administrators of the universities where they worked would be promoting such practices.

This Mortal Coil - Series

This mortal coil is an ongoing series devoted to the big questions: Why do we exist and how does one live a good life in the context of a complex society? Other installments in this series include

Shangri-La & the 2nd Death
Suicide Forest

In this "Up Yours" segment, JohnQuincy will examine the elites efforts to undermine our society from the rear.

Yes, Means Anal

If one was walking through the Yale campus last Fall, you might have come across a large group of young men chanting, "no means yes yes, means anal," to the horror of their fellow coeds:

While the Yale administrators expressed shock, it should have come as no surprise since the Yale Student Health Service has been promoting anal sex for quite some time. In fact, a simple query of their Go Ask Alice web site for Anal, generates numerous hits with titles such as:

Hemorrhoids and anal sex - Okay?

This one may surprise you: According to Yale, it is OK to receive anal sex if you have Hemorrhoids just have your partner use his/her fingers to experiment with your anus first. Also, there may be blood so you will want to use plenty of water based lube.

Help! Farts flow freely following anal sex!

In case you are wondering, the university recommends Kegel exercises to reduce the gas and taking a hot bath to relax your sphincter.

Anal Sex and Waste Products

No worries here. According to Columbia, if you take a good long potty break first, there should only be trace amounts of feces in your anus provided one is one free from diarrhea, constipation, or intestinal disorders. In fact, you should not even be able to feel the feces in that tight little anus.

Alcohol Enemas

Columbia prudently warns one to go easy on the booze enemas. They note that anal boozing may impair your decision making so make sure to have your water based lubes and condoms handy for the after booze anal sex.

Anal sex — Pregnant?

 These Ivy Leaguers sure know how to cover all the bases. In case you were worried, one cannot get pregnant from anal sex particularly if you are a man.  The questioner notes that his girlfriend is a virgin too (Hey Bill Clinton, apparently anal sex does not count either) so anal sex is a great way to keep that special someone chaste.

Sex Week

One would think that these young men would be forgiven, given the mixed messages that Yale has decided to send out:

Yale President “Levin the Confused” into Student Anal, Oral Sex and Sadomasochism to Stimulate Faculty and Student Potential

Ok,Ok, the Yale critics are right. Young gentlemen should not conduct themselves this way. But wait, what else is happening on campus? Well, there’s Yale’s biennial “Sex Week” – a nine-day student-sponsored event timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day and blessed by university bigwigs. Last year, a Sex Week headliner was porn megastar Sasha Grey.

Grey’s claim to fame is her insatiable appetite for being sexually brutalized. Among porn performers, she stands out for “her take-no-prisoners attitude toward the hardest of hardcore sex scenes and consensual degradation,” according to the Los Angeles Times.

It seems their crime is somehow to promote a hostile climate. The ladies on campus do not seem to have any problems with the administration promoting the very same highly dangerous sexual practice that is associated with brutal dominance (more on that later). Never fear, the feds are stepping in to put the love back into our rears:

Yale under federal investigation for possible Title IX violations

The investigation comes after 16 Yale students and alumni filed a formal complaint March 15 informing the Office for Civil Rights about Yale’s breach of Title IX by citing a slew of “inadequate response[s]” to public episodes of sexual misconduct on campus, such as the controversial Delta Kappa Epsilon chanting incident on Old Campus last fall

The Third Chimpanzee

In 1991 Jared Diamond, a Professor of Geology at UCLA published a highly influential book, The Third Chimpanzee, that first popularized Mayan practice of the rectal intake of alcohol, psychotropic substances and other drugs. Note: Popularized does not mean he is a fan of the practice just that he brought it to the public's view.

Here is the product description from Amazon:

Jared Diamond states the theme of his book up-front: "How the human species changed, within a short time, from just another species of big mammal to a world conqueror; and how we acquired the capacity to reverse all that progress overnight." The Third Chimpanzee is, in many ways, a prequel to Diamond's prize-winning Guns, Germs, and Steel. While Guns examines "the fates of human societies," this work surveys the longer sweep of human evolution, from our origin as just another chimpanzee a few million years ago. Diamond writes:

It's obvious that humans are unlike all animals. It's also obvious that we're a species of big mammal down to the minutest details of our anatomy and our molecules. That contradiction is the most fascinating feature of the human species.

The chapters in The Third Chimpanzee on the oddities of human reproductive biology were later expanded in Why Is Sex Fun? Here, they're linked to Diamond's views of human psychology and history.

Here is a brief snippet from the applicable section of the book entitled, Why Do We Smoke, Drink and Use Dangerous Drugs:

Family Tradition

Dr. Diamond is apparently not a fan of country music or he would have known the answer to why people engage in self destructive behaviour (It is in there genes.) without the trouble of all that research:

So don't ask me Hank
why do you drink?
(Hank) why do you roll smoke?
Why must you live out the songs you wrote?
Stop and think it over
Try and put yourself in my unique position
If I get stoned and sing all night long
It's a family tradition!

Hank Williams, Jr. (Bocephus), Family Tradition

Here is Hank III from the other side of the family carrying on the tradition:

The Handicap Principle

Dr Diamond bases his speculation on the link between self destructive behavior and selection on the work of Amotz Zahaiv regarding the handicap principle.  Here is a link to Zahavi's book on the subject: The handicap principle: a missing piece of Darwin's puzzle By Amotz Zahavi, Avishag Zahavi, Amir Balaban, Melvin Patrick Ely.

Basically Zahavi's tried to explain why males of certain species engage in risky/altruistic behavior. He theorized that this behavior demonstrated superior genes to females and made them more attractive mates. Dr. Diamond's contribution was to theorize that human self destructive behavior might be a corruption of this behavior.

Here is a good summary from Modeling complexity in economic and social systems By Frank Schweitzer:

NOTE: Again, in terms of human rectal drug intake, Dr. Diamond would substitute the word self destructive  for altruistic.

If you have an hour, you can watch Zahavi explain his theory to a group of UCLA students:

The theory of signal selection and its implications to theories of indirect selection and altruism

Some New Kind of Kick

Perhaps no one gets closer to the core of this seemingly irrational human urge for self destruction than the The Cramps in their song, New Kind of Kick:

Life is short
Filled With stuff
Dont know what for
I ain't had enough I learned all I know by the age of nine
But I can better myself if I could only find
Some new kind of kick
Something I ain't had before
Somenew kind of buzz
I want go hog mad

New Kind of Kick by the Cramps

Rebel Rebel

Perhaps Dr. Diamond is right and the human urge for self destruction is related to sexual selection. David Bowie certainly thought so:

You want more and you want it fast
They put you down, they say I'm wrong
You tacky thing, you put them on

Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

Rebel Rebel by David Bowie

Elvis did too.

While the elites always considered him an uncouth hick, no one understood the connection between sexual selection and self destruction better than the King.

He came from an impoverished background but was determined to become famous so he keenly studied the elements of fame from an early age.

Elvis came to believe that the public, particularly young women, were attracted to dark, dominant, brooding, anti-social males that exuded and air of sexual deviance.

Early in his career, he insisted that photographers not take pictures of him smiling and took to dying his hair black and applying dark eye shadow to exude this aura.

Here is a brief clip from Memphis Elvis-style By Cindy Hazen, Mike Freeman that describes this process:

From many accounts, Elvis most tried to emulate the dark characters that Tony Curtis played in his early gang films such as City Across the River:

Method of Monsters - Dominance

"When fiction rises pleasing to the eye,
Men will believe, because they love the lie;
But truth herself, if clouded with a frown,
Must have some solemn proof to pass her down. "

Charles Churchill, An Epistle to William Hogarth

....but perhaps that is something darker to this self destructive urge than mere sexual selection. One that we do not want to contemplate because its implications are too hideous.

Peter Vronsky touches upon this in this section from his book:

Serial Killers: The Method and Madness of Monsters By Peter Vronsky

The Rough Trade

"Oftentimes, to win us to our harm,
The instruments of darkness tell us truths;
Win us with honest trifles, to betray us
In deepest consequence."

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth

This yet to be completed section will explore the last time a major world power was controlled by people with dominance issues related to unnatural sex acts, Nazi Germany.

Yes, I know it is passe to bring up Nazi Germany nowadays but I think you will find the discussion fascinating particularly in light of recent research coming out of Germany.

Everbody's Doing It

Anal sex and alcoholic enemas are not just for Ivy Leaguers and Mayans, apparently students at the University of St. Louis are taking credit for inventing the Mayan Beer Bong:

Mayan Beer Bong

...and while it is currently only a craze in Mexico City gay bars, given our rapidly changing demographics, you can look forward to the Mexican Worm coming to your town soon:

Rectal Worm

...and for ladies, there are even more options:

vodka tampons and anal beer bongs!

Reader Quiz: Guess where guys can stick the vodkas soaked tampons.

Odds and Ends


Maya Vase Database, Enema Shots (Just in Case You Wanted a Few more Illustrations)

The Enema Bag - Your complete enema source.

Appendix - X Ray Specs, Oh Bondage Up Yours

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